I am in love. Yes, I am in love with my new baby boy. When I look at him I can’t help but smile. Initially, I was wondering, “What is up with my face? Why am I smiling? This isn’t right with my life, that isn’t right, so many insecurities…”, but yet, I was smiling. Over time, I smiled on the inside and outside. And now, I just grin, the joy I feel affects me to my core.
Is this what other mum’s have been experiencing? Is this that joy they speak about? I know what some are thinking, “But Nani, you already have a child. Didn’t you experience this then?” Short answer, No.
The first time around, I felt overwhelmed, a little. I was so eager to master this thing called motherhood, I went through the motions and didn’t have enough fun. Well, that’s all BS. I’m pretending I know why I feel differently this time around, I don’t. I remember delivering my first son and then thinking, “Wait for it, wait for it…. Nope, no change in my emotions, I am still me. The motherhood feelings didn’t slap me in the face and make me feel different”.
(I am not talking about the love I feel for my kids. I’m referring to a specific emotion in caring for my new baby. Some mothers after birth feel numb, some feel joy, others feel utter sadness. The emotions can really vary. The body has been through a lot, hormones are all over the place, and some women just went through hell. Sometimes the body needs time to settle, sometimes you are forever changed. I guess we are all forever changed in one way or the other).
Was it natural birth?
Some people believe that when you let things happen naturally, things connect, nature has it all figured out already. Like the domino effect, one thing affect the other affects the other. I don’t know…
Was it me?
Maybe it’s because, this time, I had a system in place that the new baby could fit right into. Other’s were helping me out with my other son, so I could just focus on the new baby.
Was it the baby?
This is a different child. He is calm and just loves to sleep and eat. When he was first born, he used to eat till full, then eat to sooth himself back to sleep. He slept so much I thought there may be something wrong. Apparently, that is the norm.
He is what I would describe as “A real baby”, you know, the type that cries when he bumps his head. The type that cuddles with you. One time, his brother let out a loud roar in the other room, and he started to cry. For some reason, that made me happy. Kunmi was a little different. He’ll bump his head, but keep going. I felt like I gave birth to superman. He wanted to take off every chance he got. He’ll eat and once full, there was no just one more sip, no lingering, no cuddling, he jumped right off of me and unto the next thing. When he encountered anything scary, his approach was to attack it, not to cry or run away. You do not want to sneak up on him or you would get pounded, lol.
Demi may be calmer, but he is one strong boy. I didn’t think I could have a stronger baby than Kunmi, but what do I know.
God answers prayers
God really does answers prayers. With Kunmi, everything I prayed for, we got. So, for Demilade, I prayed for someone that will teach us to be happy, and on his first day out, he smiled at us. I thought it may just be a fluke or spasm, but everyday, that smile got bigger and brighter. Now he is a laughing, screaming baby. No matter what, when he wakes up, he is smiling and laughing at anyone that will pay attention to him.
Not everyone gets this
To the mothers of baby number two, I know that not everyone’s second experience is like this. I had a friend call me the other day and yell, “Oh my goodness, I think I gave birth to Kunmi this time around. How did you do it?” I had friends who got really, really stressed out after the second baby got introduced to an already strained life, and almost lost it, and other women who did loose it.
To the ones who give birth to Kunmi, it gets better :). To others, I say “This too shall pass.”
I do appreciate the privilege of raising two baby boys into the best human beings I can. I hope I am not ruining them, disciplining is hard. I pray to God for guidance everyday (cough, cough… I try, I need to get better).
For now, I can say that I am really enjoying the journey…
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