Today I want to get extremely personal with the Lappolis community to talk about the importance of NOT suffering in silence. This is a topic that I feel is often swept under the rug. I wanted to share my story in the hopes that it can be a source of encouragement to others.
On November 30, 2014 I delivered a beautiful baby girl. The moment I knew I was pregnant, I began to plan ahead and dream of my future with my unborn child. I looked forward to carrying the title I had begun to pray for more fervently in the past year — mother. Becoming a mother felt like the natural next step. Go to college. Check. Go to medical school. Check. Get married. Check. Complete residency. Check. Start an awesome career. Check. Start a family…
On November 30, 2014 I lost a daughter and a part of me died that day (or so I thought at the time). At five months and one day, I went into preterm labor. My pregnancy had been uneventful, I felt great, and even thought I looked pretty good too :). But, I was reminded that day that things don’t always go as we plan. That morning, without any pain or other warning signs, I started to bleed. After a trip to the ER, followed by Labor and Delivery, and finally being transferred to a high risk OB facility — I went from being pregnant to being consumed with so much grief.
Through the grace of God, family and friends, I can share this story with you full of hope and optimism about the future. I am also thankful to be blessed with an inner circle of people with pray for me and encourage me. I would be lying if I said opening up to others was always easy. There were times when I didn’t want to get out of bed, didn’t know what to say, and/or just flat-out “ugly cried” uncontrollably.
All of those emotions were/are okay. It is amazing how, by unlocking your story, God allows a way for you to be uplifted. I’ve had friends and even patients share their own stories of infant loss that spoke volumes to my heart and encouraged me through dark times. I allowed people to help me, which is contradictory to my extremely independent, Type A personality. I’ve accepted gifts, the company of others, and many a hot meal during this season of grieving. I even sought out a grief counselor that allowed me to put to rest thoughts that were blocking me from moving past my loss.
I share the above with you Lappolis as a reminder that whatever you are going through, you don’t have to walk alone. You will find that holding things in will cause you to be suffocated by your own silence. Allow those who love you to show acts of love. Journal if you need to. Seek personal help if you need to. Go on vacation if you need to. Whatever you choose, just remember you don’t have to go through it alone. I am rooted in a faith that believes God truly won’t give you more than you can bear. I truly believe just that, with the addendum that you don’t have to bear the load alone.
Yours in Health,
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