Right now, I feel lousy! I’ve had the worst fever, aches and pains I can remember. And I’ve been in bed for the most part. Sometimes, I’ve heard my kids calling out for me and they being stopped from coming to disturb me for good reason, but I don’t want that. I want their love, cause their love is pure and love is healing (FYI:I am not contagious).
I remembered this story, you may know already, of a country singer who is dying from cancer and is nearing the end. She is emaciated, her hair has all fallen off and she’s lost a lot of weight. She is spending her last days with loved ones, especially holding her only daughter, 18 months, close.
This picture stuck with me and many thoughts went through my head as I read this story, one of which was about my current parenting philosophy. I’ve mulled over different ones, but the one I am currently on is to fill my kid’s lives with as much love as possible. Be in the moment, be with them honestly, play with them, be myself with them and love them as much as I can. Because, I believe they will carry the love with them where ever they go.
People will forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel…
– Maya Angelo via Oprah
My favorite times are the especially loving moments we share as a family: the moments where we all end up in the same bed in the morning, playing, snuggling and really feeling the love. The moments where we hang out together and just have fun. The moments where we teach each other something.
The question I imagined a lot of people were asking on reading the article was that:
“If I were in that situation, weak & frail, will I want my kids to see me?”
I’ve heard some people will say “No, I want them to remember me for who I was, not this ailing person.” And I don’t blame them. They probably can’t even recognize themselves in the ailing body.
I say a resounding “Yes”. I will want to shower my kids with as much love as possible. I want them to carry the love of their mother with them through the rest of their lives. I will hold them as much as I can, I will sing to them, play with them, and love them as much as I can.
When they remember their mother, I’d want them to remember the love.
It feels really cruel to deny your loved ones the presence of your company just because of the way you look. I imagine their hearts saying, “I don’t care what she looks like, I just want to be with her!” They will remember that denial, that rejection. They may want you to trust that they are strong enough to deal with it, if not now, in time. They have old picture, and they still have memories of what you looked like. The essence of who you are remains, or even more readily shines through in an ailing body.
People who come around the ailing will get that essence and possibly draw strength from it.
This is what I believe now anyways. Mind you I’ve never had to deal with anything so severe (knock on wood).
When I was doing a little better, my younger son (almost 2) came into my room and took out all the cups I had piled up. He played doctor and brought out the nosefrida to help me with my nose. And then put tissue on my nose and asked me to sneeze (all the things I do when he is sick). My older son (almost 5) just came in asked how I was doing and sat calmly beside me (which is a miracle if u know him) :).
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